Project Parenting
Monday, August 13, 2012 at 9:20PM Once, when Stella was an infant, my American pediatrician warned me, "Watch out." The doctor knew I had a strong willed girl, and that she'd challenge me.
Strong willed kids sleep less. They cry more. They cry louder. They refuse to play by themselves. They need more. They demand more. Their demands are more immediate. These kids are are amazing, so confident, and sure of their points of view. They know their own minds, and can't be swayed. They're persistent, resolute, and steadfast (heyyyyyy sleep training, wherein on the first night my kid wailed for four hours. Straight. Stopping only when I FINALLY picked her up.) They're things of wonder. But they can also do your head in. (Into a plate glass window. Because that would be so much less painful.)
To see my girl, and you think, what a good cookie. And she is a good cookie. A really good cookie. The best.
When we're out, you can bet your shoe she'll behave herself. There will be no tantrums. She'll sit nicely, and colour. Maybe she will play quietly. She'll follow directions, accept a firm "no", and is the model of exemplary manners. She'll great people. Ha-wooh! She'll say please and thank you (tee-tooo).
But when we're inside, when its just her and me, well, people, the illusion is cracked, and my pediatrician was proved right. Oh so right.
There are hour-long temper tantrums about the injustice of being made to wear pants. Or take off pants. Or put pants back on. Every. Single. Time. When I insist that she pee before leaving for breakfast, my kid freaks out, crying, hitting, scratching, yelling, waking up her father who deserves a sleep-in more than just about anyone. Then she pees. ON the potty, and glares at me with hatred so fierce because I am the jerk that made her go pee when, clearly, she DID NOT HAVE TO!
Part of this is, I recognize, being two. An extra dash of drama is added by our recent move, and all the changes that have been imposed upon my girl's life. She feels out of control. So she wants to autonomy over her body. Particularly the pants region.
But still. Every time I want to leave the house, we need to go through an hour of the following:
E: Stella, go sit on the potty.
S: No! No pee pee. Bye bye pee pee. No potty. Bye bye potty. Wha! No!!! Whahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
E: You don't need to pee, you just need to sit on the potty.
S: (as above)
E: Okay, I'll just sit here and wait for you. Tell me when you're ready to go on the potty.
S: (tantrums for an hour)
The above scene is totally entertaining on the page. But when you have to live it, when the act of getting out of bed, or leaving to go anywhere (and ps, we have to leave to do even the most basic things, like eat, or get coffee) entails an hour of wailing, well, nope. No! No tantrums! Bye bye tantrums! Waahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa.
I'm planning to turn this tantty train around. I don't want compliance and obedience. I just want a more manageable situation. I want to be able to transition from PJs to clothes without the overwhelming desire to put my head through a plate glass window.
I've started reading Parenting The Strongwilled Child, (found via my favorite hippie BS parenting podcast, Leading Edge Parenting) and I'm planning of following the five week plan outlined therein to improve behavior in two- to six-year-olds. Each Monday for the following six weeks, I'll write about what I'm learning, and tell you all about my amazing realizations and stunning parenting wins. Or staggering failures. Whatever the case may be.
If you'd care to join along, and write about your own parenting challenges / wins /, please do. Link up in the comments to posts in this series.
Okay, team! We're not going to let these rug rats own us! Let's do this thing! Break!
Reader Comments (4)
So sorry to be laughing..but this is too much! Good luck, good luck, good luck. I have one of those kids, just one out of my 3, and may I say one more time: Good luck! Thinking of you from somewhere way far away and not nearly as beautiful. xoxo
Ooh I am really looking forward to this series. My Miss Two sounds like Stella's twin although we have failed at potty training because and I quote "if I use a potty I will have to stop playing!" you can't mess with that kind of logic.
I'm sorry. But actually, i truly understand what you're going through with the 'I want full control over my body with regards to elmination' problem because we are having the same problem here as well. We did elimination communication with Xave from the beginning because that's what everyone in China was doing and its worked a charm till recently. We've moved three times in the last six months while we wait for our 'house' to be available to rent and the little boy has had enough. He figures peeing is his last frontier of control and he's not going to give it up for no one! Two weeks ago, my mum talked me into backing off the whole 'you have to pee before we leave' etc business and just packing extra pants. I still ask him if he needs to go and if he says no, I leave it. I have to admit, that while its completely inconvenient at times, it's been working. And who really cares if a toddler pees in the garden? Well, they shouldn't but you're in Indo so maybe people will have more grace for you?! Hang in there Mama! I'll be interested to follow your series!
Totally looking forward to this progressing. I like your approach to parenting and your writing style is awesome. Plus my kid is about 8 months behind yours.. not as strong willed I think but we still get frequent issues when trying to get a clean nappy and clean clothes on in the morning.
The hitting has just started and we have had a "conversation" about it before bedtime last night and he promised not to hit anymore as he knows it makes Mummy sad but we will see how many times we need to have this conversation...