Okay, okay, okay, My Boobs are Calling Uncle!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012 at 2:39PM If you've been around these parts long enough, you'll have me firmly pigeoned in the hippie-granola-dust-parenting hole. I'm the kind of neurotic, cloth diapering, amber baby necklace buying, organic leather soft shoe dressing, homemade baby food making, babywearing, exclusive breastfeeding, co-sleeping, gentle disciplining, nutcase that makes you shake your head and worry for the future of humanity.
Though now, suddenly, I think I've found my hippie-BS-granola-fairy-dust parenting limit. And that limit is a 27 month old toddler, who upon watching me get out of the shower this morning, pointed at my naked chest and proclaimed, Della's ammm ammm. You see, she thinks she owns my boobies.
This type of behaviour is not limited to the privacy of our home. If she's feeling particularly jaunty, and comfortable with the company we're keeping, she likes to show off her goods, by pulling down my shirt, tapping me right on the money parts, and saying "Wook! Della's ammm ammm, sees?" Or, perhaps she's feeling uneasy in the silence of an elevator ride. She'll turn to a stranger, point to my chest, and tell him, "Ammm Ammm". And PS, it's almost always a him. A him in a business suit, the kind that announces that all things hippie-granola-dust are most decidedly not his jam.
You see, my girl is still nursing, at least three times a day. And if she had her way, she'd be permanently attached to my chest, drinking while twisting and turning, double back flip pike position, until my ol' nips returned to their war-ravaged newborndom, and I cried uncle while clutching a tube of Lansinoh. Oy.
What I'm trying to tell you is I want to wean my kid. But she has other ideas. Namely, never weaning, ever ever ever.
I'm kinda left at a loss for what to do. I've looked around the usual haunts for tips and tricks on weaning my girl off ammm amm. But to no avail. She'll quite happily eat all sorts of solid foods, varied and sundry, but she will not give up on her most treasured source of nutrition and comfort.
So, I'm left wondering if I should try something radical. Perhaps the Japanese method of weaning whereby I affix band-aids to my nips, draw a Minnie Mouse face on my boob, and tell my kid that her Amm Amm has been replaced, but look who's here instead?!! Mimmmmie Mouse!
Or, do I go with the Indonesian practice of rubbing bitter herbs all over my chest? Perhaps the failsafe Turkish method of spreading tomato paste on my tas?
Do I just need to go on vacation for a while, with a box of Sudafed and some cabbage in my bra, and return when I'm all dried up?
Or perhaps, and most likely, I just need to woman up, take it like a chick, deal with the occasional awkward elevator moment, and just wait until my child finally decides that she's ready to kick the habit. Oh geeze. Pass me the Lansinoh.
In the interest of full disclosure, I was paid to write this post on behalf of Lansinoh.co.uk. All content, opinions, and hyperbole are mine, and mine alone.
Reader Comments (10)
Breastfeeding is no good when you're resenting it. You need to be able to establish balance in your life. Start with the mid-day nurse and explain that as she gets older you do all sorts of other fun things than nursing. Distract her mid day. Then slowly phase out the morning one with snuggles, then leave that night time one for the very last.
I will say this though- Your baby girl just moved like 8 times. Maybe give it a few weeks and feel good that she is helping inform the business men of the world that breast is best.
Oh you queen of hyperbole! This was hilarious.. although, not that you're feeling so .. depleted on it. Eeep, that's a bit of a trick I would guess: seeking to comfort her, while she seeks to push your own limits of social comforts (a.k.a.. omigosh, freakin' awkward!!) lol.
Maybe the purpose for all your travels is to learn SO many options to try? I would guess all this moving has probably caused her to hold to the one 'constant' that hasn't changed - the comfort of your closeness.. maybe it will be a unique journey for you guys since it's such a unique life you lead. Um..... good luck with that! ;o)
xo
mel
needle and nest design
Hope lansinoh paid you a very good rate to publish somrthink like that! Or are you kinky - perverse or twisted? Who wants to breastfeed her daughter for 2 or more years?
I so know what you mean. I felt exactly the same. I got S down to morning and night at about 22 months but I could not get her to give up those two. We did a tough week where Daddy did bedtime to stop the night time feed. The morning feed has just naturally ended in the last month at 30 months. We often distracted her with breakfast or the iPad and lots of snuggles and eventually she just stopped. The upside of the slow loss of the final feed was no pain for me at all. I do miss the feeding a little as is she. About a week after she fully weaned we walked round the supermarket w S proclaiming my pai pais beautiful to everyone she passed!
@Katinka, yes, absolutely! Guilty as charged on all counts.
What does she say when you ask her about it? She is old enough now to kinda have a discussion about it. Or you could negotiate it with her so that she feel like she is calling the shots but you are both working towards the weaning goal.
For Max, I dropped the feeds slowly. I had help from my MIL when she visited for three weeks as she took over the bedtime routine. When she left, it was forgotten about and there were no issues. Then I dropped the after daycare feed by providing distractions such as an iceblock (homemade frozen yoghurt and fruit) or the TV or anything that would make him not want boobie such as sitting on the sofa together - this was our feeding spot. If he asked for it I didn't deny him but if I was fast enough with the distractions it was forgotten. Then it was dinner time and then it was bedtime and so no feeds were expected then until morning.
The morning feeds continued on for a little while and these were the hardest to drop. I wanted to stop these mainly as I felt he was waking up at 5am or earlier to get a feed and a snuggle. I tried replacing with just the snuggle but this didn't work. I just had to close the shop. There were 3 days of morning protests. The rest of the day went fine until the next morning. But we pushed on and now he sleeps until 7:30 am every day and he doesn't seem to remember that boobs were for feeding.
He was completely weaned only a few months ago. We are still attached and as close as ever. I loved breastfeeding but it was right for us to stop when we did. For you, do what works for you. Keep feeding her until she is 5 if you like - outside of your family structure there is no right or wrong time to stop irrespective of what business suit wearing elevator sharers or comment trolls think.
Stop it this post is amazing! I laughed. And then I almost cried. Namely from remembering the initial pain of breastfeeding.
I nursed each of my three for a year but then {for me} it just became challenging as they were huge, had big teeth that bit and there was work getting in the way. With that said, I still believe that if you can...do it for as long as the child wants.
My sister.in.law nursed twins (TWINS!) for almost 3 years. She is my hero.
How, exactly, does this fit in with your Parenting the Strong-Willed Child efforts?
I must admit, I am quite happy J weaned at just over 12 months with no fuss. He was just as happy with a sippy cup of milk and snuggles as with nursing.
Dangdang, I have no idea. I'm flying by the seat of my pants with this whole parenting thing. It's my first time, you know. And half the time I have no idea what I'm doing.
Emily, lucky! Stella is really really really attached to nursing still. I think it's just the way she was made. One of her unique skills and talents! Ha! I'm thinking of starting on a slow weaning with lots of diversions and distractions. Maybe in a month or so when things calm down. I mean, we STILL don't have our shipment soooo....